Honesty

I don't understand why people can not just be honest and open with others, even though they claim that they are.

I began dating someone at the end of February. We clicked right away, and both of us felt a connection from the very beginning. I admit I let my guard down, and I fell hard for this person very quickly. We felt though that we had known each other for a long time, so it was easy to fall so quickly.

Our work schedules differ greatly, unfortunately. I work days, and he works nights. He usually wakes up about the time I go to lunch, so I made it a habit to call him during my lunch break so we could chat for a bit. We both enjoyed the time talking on the phone...

But lately, he has not been answering his phone when I call from my cell phone, and when he does answer, he immediately needs to get off the phone. He tells me that he'll call me back in a few minutes, then never does. I went to his website, and there was a woman who had posted something on his site basically saying that he was her boyfriend, and she loved him very much.

If he had just been open and honest with me in the beginning and told me that he was going to date around to see who suit him best, that would be fine. But he made it feel like we were being exclusive to each other, so I didn't go out with other guys...even though I had the opportunity to.

JUST BE HONEST!!

Happy St. Jude's Day Papa!

Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of what my family calls St. Jude's Day. My grandfather had open heart surgery on March 17th, 1987, and had one of his heart valves replaced, which was defective at birth. Every year, on March 17th, we would call him, and send him St. Patrick's Day cards, to wish him a Happy St. Jude's Day. We call it St. Jude's because that was the company that made the heart valve that was put into my grandfather's heart.

The doctors told him after the surgery that if everything went perfect, he would live 10-12 years. He lived 18 years, and didn't pass away due to anything associated with his heart...he passed away from cancer.

He told me one time that he never thought he'd live to be as old as he was. He was 77 when he passed away, still a young man. But, he felt that he had lived a long life, and had experienced many things. A good job, retirement, a loving wife, 3 kids, 7 grandkids, 3 great-grandkids, travels around the world, and so on.

I miss him terribly. I miss our conversations at Christmas time. I miss the times I'd call over there and he'd answer the phone, and he'd talk with me for a minute before passing me over to my grandmother. I miss the advice he would give about life in general, and the advice on how to fix things that broke (he knew how to fix everything!). I miss knowing that I could go to him and share my passions (music) and he'd be completely supportive, and tell me to keep it up. I miss walking in the house through the garage door, seeing him sitting at the corner of the bar, and he'd give me a big bear hug, asking me, "How's my big girl?" I miss hearing my grandmother and him cutting up with each other.

I love you Papa!

The eye of the beholder

I met this new guy online. We've been talking for some time now, and actually met for the first time not long ago. We've been on 3 actual dates in the past week. He's a really attractive guy, and we hit it off right away. We both agree that it seems like we've known each other for a long time. The only issue is that he has brought up the topic of my weight in several conversations. It's not that I'm some huge freak who can't stop eating. I do have some weight I need to lose, but sheesh, doesn't everybody? I'm actually at the point now where I'm ok with myself, and I'd hope that someone else would be too. He asked me last night if I didn't have the hormone disorder I have, what would I look like body wise. Who the hell cares? Like me for who I am, not who I might be if xyz didn't happen!! That is the only sticking point.

Circular Thinking

I'm sitting here listening to Ozzy Osbourne, which is funny...I actually like a lot of his music. I never thought I would say that. "No More Tears" starts with a bass guitar solo. It reminds me of the guy I had dated for about a month last December. He was always talking about playing the bass...We aren't dating anymore. There were too many differences between us on the basic things. We would not have made it as a couple.

I've met a new guy, and I really like him. He isn't involved in music at all, which is so weird for me. I never thought I would be interested in someone who isn't involved in music. He seems so far to be supportive of my involvement in the band. The thing is this: he doesn't seem like a head case. He seems to be a decent guy, with a good relationship with his family, and is an educated person (he teaches university classes, and also works in corporate america). I seem to only attract the nut cases, so I'm wondering how this will work out, or if it will work out.