This was the most difficult Christmas and New Year's that I have had to endure. We survived through it though.
I find myself wanting to call or email Dad to let him know things that are going on. I did not hardly call or email him when he was alive - now I am fighting the urge to do it.
I realized not long ago that I had buried some bitterness towards Dad's side of the family. I thought I had released it and let it go, but after the confrontation at the Arlington house after Dad's death I realized there were some things I needed to work on.
I am going to have to get myself through this. Each year should be better from the last. But I have a feeling it is going to be hard for a few more years before it gets better.
I have to remind myself though that whatever feeling I am fighting to work through, I cannot allow it to interfere with my relationship with Jeff. I have fought too hard for our relationship to be as successful as it is to just let myself destroy it.
