Wedding Planning

Jeff and I have decided that we will go to the court house to get married, and have a large reception for family and friends.  We are going to have a Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs themed reception.  After doing some research on the fairy tale, we found out that it was a Bros. Grim story, set in Germany.  We've asked my step-dad and my brother to do the grilling of German food, and my mom to make the Apple Strudel and German Chocolate Cake for the cake table.  I'd like to have my sister-in-law be my right hand help on getting the theme and setting just right!

We decided that each party favor bag will relate to mirrors, apples, and mining.  Each attendee will get a handful of gems!

This will be the centerpiece, along with each of the seven dwarfs, on the cake table.

New Beginnings

Tonight when Jeff and I get off work, we will be heading down to Texas City to help move his parents into an assisted living center. We think this is going to be a great move for everyone involved. His oldest sister has been taking care of them for a couple of years now, and has been able to completely finish up all of her schooling to become a nurse. They will now be able to get the complete care they need and couldn't get from Mendy. win-win situation!

Band Day 2011

Today was a very positive but very exhaustive work day for the band. Stephen, Ed, and I met up at 8 am at the storage unit to do some organizing and filing. After two hours there, we headed out and went by 12 different businesses to talk fund-raising, sponsorship, and advertising. All but one place either sounded interested or were ready to commit to helping us out. They all had to see what they could do to help out financially, and the interested parties had to check with higher ups as well. It was a great day!!

Happy Anniversary!

Today Jeff and I are celebrating our 4th anniversary.  It is amazing how time flies by so fast.  I am completely in love with him!

August 18th, 2007 - one of our first few dates.

February 28, 2008 - A weekend trip to San Antonio

January 26th, 2009 - Touring the Republic of Texas Museum at the Washington-On-The-Brazos State Park.

August 8th, 2010 - A Trip to Dallas to tour the Dallas World Aquarium.

January 18th, 2011 - installing our new Rose Garden at the House.

Celebrating Freedom

Today we celebrated our country's 235th year of independence!  There has been a massive drought in Texas this year, so the state has banned all fireworks.  So, instead of shooting them, we decided to go to Mom and David's house.  While there we went to the firing range and shot guns off.  One way or another we were going to have some sparks flying this 4th of July!!

The usual barbeque was in order as well this year, with ribs, sausage, corn-on-the-cob, grilled veggies, grilled lobster, grilled stuffed jalapenos, and banana pudding.  Too much food, but also very good too.  When we weren't grilling, eating, or shooting guns, we were in the pool swimming!



Favorite clips

Found some of my favorite clips on youtube...thought I would share!

Retreat!!

Tomorrow is our 4th annual Lone Star Symphonic Band Board Retreat.  Jeff will be cooking, as usual, as he has done the last three years.  We have a lot planned, and I have the feeling that I will not be sleeping much tonight because of nerves.  I'll be presenting about a third of the retreat, talking about publicity.

As I have reflected over the past retreats and looking forward to the retreat tomorrow, I have noticed that I really have grown.  I do still get nervous about getting in front of people to speak, but I think I can manage it a little better now than before.  I have forced myself to get in front of the band and board to make announcements, presentations, and speeches.  I have grown from the experience as well. 

Memorial Day Weekend

Over Memorial Day Weekend, Jeff and I headed to Texas City and Galveston to spend time with Jeff's family.  Jeff cooked his famous chicken enchiladas for the family...good, but very hot!  While we were down there, we went to Galveston and toured the Lone Star Flight Museum.  We very much enjoyed our trip "out of town" and to visit the family for awhile.  Catching up with loved ones is always important, and something that always needs to be worked on.  We'll do our part, and are glad to see the rest of the family doing their part too!

Hobbies and weekends

I am really glad that Jeff has started collecting antique firearms.  He had told me that he had collected firearms years ago, but had to pawn them when he was very short on cash.  He has been feeling comfortable enough over the last year to purchase a handgun and 3 rifles to date.  I know it is a little straining on our income, but he is finding good deals on the guns, so he is not paying full price for them.

He has stopped purchasing model kits as he says that he has enough to get him through his retirement for now.  I'm sure he will look at them again at some point if he goes through the kits fairly quickly once he does retire.

I'm just happy that he has a hobby now to do on  his days off.  I don't think it is healthy to have nothing going on in your off days!

Father Winter has come

Jeff and I went up to Ft. Worth to see Michael and Renee for Michael's birthday on Monday, January 31st.  I had checked the weather online and saw that Monday's highs were in the 60's, so I thought we would be good for a great weekend out of town. 

We went to Nicky D's for lunch Monday, drove around Benbrook Lake, and got ice cream at Braum's.  Then we met Michael, Renee, Dad, and Sharon for dinner at Babe's Chicken in Arlington.  A great time was had by all!

BUT...Monday night, a severe cold front came through with rain, sleet, and snow.  We woke up on Tuesday with an inch of ice on the roads.  Jeff and I were stuck in Ft. Worth!  We had stayed in a hotel Sunday and Monday nights, but could not stay any longer because it was expensive!

We inched our way over to Uncle Jim and Lisa's, after slipping and sliding down the highway.  Jeff was so nervous that he got sick after getting to the house.  We were stuck until Thursday before being able to go home.  It was definitely an interesting trip!!

Family Time

I am so ready for this coming time off Monday and Tuesday.  Michael's birthday is Monday, so we will be going up to Fort Worth to eat dinner with them.  We are driving up Sunday after work, and will come home on Tuesday.  It'll be a nice weekend get away!

I haven't been able to spend Michael's birthday with him in years, so this will be a nice occasion for Jeff and me.  We are also planning on going to Braum's for ice cream, and maybe going to Nicky D's for hamburgers.  That part is up in the air. 

Different Kind of Christmas

Christmas this year is a little different...David is working night shifts at his work and Michael and Renee could not stay past the weekend.  So, Mom, David, and Mama did Christmas with Michael and Renee over the weekend (David's regular day off) and they only opened their gifts to each other. 

Jeff and I came up last night and got up each this morning so we could watch David open his presents from us before he had to go to bed.  David has to go to work tonight so he cannot be with us while we open presents.  Mom, Mama, Jeff and I will be opening presents tonight, and we'll be doing Christmas dinner tomorrow.  David will be getting up a little early tomorrow to be able to eat dinner with us before he  has to go to work.

It's just a little off this year since we cannot all be together for the holidays. 

Thanksgiving in many ways

On Thanksgiving this year, I headed down to Galveston for the day.  Jeff had to work, and I was off with nothing to do.  We had celebrated Thanksgiving the night before, so Jeff could cook on his day off. 

It has been a little over 2 years since Hurricane Ike ravaged the Galveston area.  Many things have been repaired, but they have not forgotten the storm.  It really is a blessing that the town is rebuilding, even if it is a little bit slower than expected.

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This picture shows the line across the door, indicating where the water line was during the flooding of Hurricane Ike.

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Some markings were crudely drawn onto the sides of buildings.  But, the point is very clearly made!

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Just as a point of reference on how high up the water really came on the buildings.  I am standing on the sidewalk next to this building.

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Some companies/people made more of a permanent marker on the side of their buildings in the Strand District.

Bleh

What a week.  First, we were supposed to meet up with family in Fort Worth, but most of the family we were supposed to meet with did not even show up.  But, we did meet up with my uncle and cousins, and my dad.

Then, I go into work today and find out that a co worker that I sat 10 feet from every day died this morning...massive heart attack in  his sleep.  Everyone in the entire office got real quiet all day after hearing the news...those in his department cried today as well.  Definitely glad today is over with.

Scare

I had noticed recently that my headches were coming back, and very frequently at that.  I also noticed that I had nausea and dizziness, and could not see because of blurry vision...Jeff left work early last Thursday and took me to the neuro-opthamologist for some tests.  The doctor could not find anything wrong, so he is sending me to a neurologist on Tuesday for more tests...the opthamologist thinks it is stress related, but wants another specialist to see if it is something else.  We'll see if it is anything major this Tuesday.

Nasty Grams

It absolutely amazes me to know that there are completely irrational people out in the world, and that they have somehow managed to work their way into high management positions. 

I love doing work for the band.  I deal with being the person that everyone goes to, to complain about this or that.  At least they have a point person, who will direct them the right way or will handle it.  I get that, and don't mind being that person.

But, then we have instances like this past Sunday.  I had gotten an email from one of the band members earlier in the week asking for me to call him, but gave no other specifics.  I called on Friday, and he informed me that he had fired our previous music director (the band member, Carlos, hired him shortly after Carlos joined the band).  He didn't go into specifics on the phone as to why he had fired him, but told me that he would let me know the details at rehearsal.

Sunday's rehearsal came and went...I spoke to Carlos after rehearsal about the firing, and everything seemed fine.  We joked for a few minutes, and he left laughing.  I waited for the Brass Ensemble to finish their post-rehearsal run through so I could go to dinner with one of the ensemble members.  On the way out the door, the ensemble member completely dumps on me, saying that Carlos had confronted him (sometime between the end of rehearsal and when I spoke with him) and completely lashed out at him for not being asked to play in the ensemble.  So, I spent dinner trying to calm down my friend since he was quite upset from it.

Monday, I get up and check my email and lo-and-behold there is one big nasty gram in my inbox from Carlos.  He lashed out at me for my friend not asking him to play, although my friend is the founding member of the ensemble, purchases all the music, and coordinates with the Music Director on when/where/what they will be playing for concerts.  He can choose who he wants in the ensemble.  Carlos wanted me to send the email to the full board, so they can see Carlos lashing out at me and my friend...I think not.

I ended up getting 4 emails from him that day, all nasty grams.  Finally after 10:00 pm, I responded to him, telling him that his issue is not a board issue, bu rather a membership/personnel issue and that he needs to take it up with his section leader and the person who he felt did him wrong.  He wanted me to call him again to discuss, but I was having no part of it.  I told him the conversation was through, he got his response, and needed to leave it alone...if anything else, go form his own ensemble out of members in the band.  We don't care!

I hate having to deal with crap like that!

Better Times

Seems like baby steps are needed sometimes to get back to better times. We'll see how this goes. Jeff and I went to Dallas earlier this month to site-see and also went to dinner with Michael, Dad, and Sharon. I think it was a good first step in getting our relationship on track. One never knows what is around the corner, but we will see as we go along. Jeff was impressed with the dinner meeting, as were Michael and I.

I would really like to see our relationship get back to being right...or moreso getting right to begin with. I don't think it was ever right to begin with. Too much stuff happened growing up to rehash, but it wasn't right. I think we are both wanting it to work now, and hopefully it will.

Not so kind surprises

Last week seemed to be of the normal kind. I went to work as normal, spent the evenings with Jeff as normal, and had way too many projects started at home as normal. Saturday morning I went in to work, as normal, only to find out that the Security Manager, Daryl Hunt, at work had passed away the evening before from a massive heart attack.

I had known Daryl, and spoke to him every single day. In fact, I had joked around with him at work the day he died. He was a big guy...as in football player big, not big big. I just could not believe that he was gone, and I'm still having trouble coming to grips with it.

Daryl had been a Houston Oiler for 6 years back in the Luv Ya Blue days of the early 80's, playing under Bum Phillips. He still holds the record for most tackles in a season at the University of Oklahoma, where he studied before being drafted in the NFL. He would go play golf all the time since retiring from the NFL, and starting work at Grocers Supply, where he has been since the mid 1980's.

I'm not sure why I'm having such trouble accepting that he is gone. Maybe it was because it didn't seem like there was anything wrong with him. Maybe it was because I had spoken to him a mere 2 hours before his death. Maybe it was because he was one of those people who instantly became the center of attention the moment he walked in the room...and not intentionally. People just naturally gravitated to him. I'm sure I could have accepted it more if there had been an official memorial service or funeral here in Houston, but alas, there was not one. Everything was held in his hometown of Odessa, Texas.

I don't have the shoulda/woulda/coulda-said-something-important-to-him-before-he-died syndrome. I think it was just how he lit up the room as he walked through that I will miss the most.

Do Something

I do not know what is going on here. I have not been wanting to do much of anything lately. It seems like all I want to do is just get out of the house for the day. I keep putting off all the things I need to do around the house, hoping that they will somehow get done.

I'm supposed to go eat lunch and do some shopping with Mom tomorrow. Then tomorrow night, Jeff and I are driving down to Texas City to spend time on Tuesday with his family. I'm really looking forward to the driving being done the next two days...seriously.

What I need to do is take a trip to Galveston. I've been meaning to do that for 2 years now. I haven't been down there much, if at all, since I started dating Jeff. I need to go clear my head and get my priorities straight. Yep, that's what I need to do!

Life Changes

Some things change, and some things stay the same...I have noticed that!

Tonight I am giving my State of the Band Address to the band. It is our first rehearsal back in the new year. I'm excited, but extremely nervous too. I have not had a chance to write up anything for the speech yet, and do not know quite yet what I am going to say.

Work has gotten more chaotic lately. I am finally starting to live route, but a certain someone makes things so freaking difficult that I almost can't stand to route. The weekends are a lot better for me in live routing, because I don't feel so constricted.

At Christmas time, Jeff proposed to me! We are planning on getting married in a couple of years, so we can save up enough money for a trip to Hawaii, and everyone else can too. We are inviting all of our family and closest friends.

So, good things and not so good things happening right now. I am anxious for it to level out though. It's making me very tired!

Reflections

Sometimes it is good to just reflect on what we have, being this is Thanksgiving. I have always wanted to have a family where his side and my side got along, and there were no "idiots" around. So many relationships I had were not like this in the past, and I never thought I would have the opportunity to have it. But now, looking back, I see that I have that with Jeff, and I like it a lot. I love his family, and I get along with them well. My family loves Jeff, and have taken him in as their own. It is a wonderful feeling.

groceries

I know I am going to have a really hard time sleeping tonight. And I hate that. Jeff and I went grocery shopping tonight, and got a ton of food...as we were checking out, we heard some screaming coming from outside. Turns out a lady walking out from the grocery store was hit by a truck, and was laying on the street right in front of the exit. I feel so sorry for her!

Time flies when you are having fun

This coming Monday, Jeff and I will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary. It is truly amazing to me that we have made it 2 years and are still very much in love with each other. I am hoping for a lot longer of a relationship with him!

He is taking me to see the Phantom of the Opera this Tuesday, at the Hobby Center. We are staying the night downtown, at a Best Western. Woo hoo!

water

I cannot believe the luck I have sometimes. I was trying to sleep last night through a massive thunderstorm. The electricity went off, and once it came back on, I reset my alarm clock and tried to go back to bed. That was about 3:45 this morning. Not long afterwards, Jeff comes in and tells me that we are flooded out. There was about an inch and a half of water throughout the entire house. Jeff's truck was flooded out too. Mom and David are over helping us clean stuff out and rip the carpet out. We'll survive somehow...not sure how right now though.

Too busy for my own good

I realize that I have been way too busy, and need to take some time off. In 3 weeks, I will be able to do that. The convention that I have been working so hard for will be taking place in a couple of weeks. It's been 3 years in the making. Time sure does fly!

I think this has make me an older person. I'm not really sure it's a good thing either.

New Year...New Opportunities

It is amazing what can happen with a little faith. Our savings were getting very low, and as soon as the new year came around, I got 3 interviews within 24 hours. I accepted the position with Grocer's Supply, and will start this next week. I'm getting a payraise out of it as well. $4,000 a year to be exact.

Jeff is even benefitting from it as well. We went out and bought a Dodge Dakota today. He'd been wanting it for as long as he could remember. Nice, bright red truck. He is already talking about all the stuff he wants to add to it...rail guards, hood bras, etc. He even got online as soon as we got home and started looking up boats. I guess that will be our next big purchase together.

Black Friday

I read online this morning that someone was killed in a stampede at Walmart when it opened for the Black Friday sales. I also read about a couple of people who got into a fist fight today over an XBox 360...it was the last one in the store.

I don't understand the whole hype over the Black Friday crap. Sure, you might be able to find some outragious deals on some items, but is it really worth it? I make it a point not to shop on Black Friday...it is not worth the hassle of the traffic and long lines to save a little bit of money on stuff. Besides, Jeff and I went to Linens-n-Things to do a good portion of our shopping this year...they are going out of business, and everything was drastically marked down, and well before Thanksgiving.

The parents who fight it out at the stores over the next big toy probably are the same parents who spoil their kids the rest of the year as well...I don't think it's just at Christmas. And, is the fighting really worth it? The kids are going to be bored with the toys by New Years Day anyhow. I can remember the whole big hoopla a few years ago about the Tickle Me Elmo doll. I waited a couple of years, then bought it for my uncle's granddaughter. The price had gone down from hundreds of dollars in the black market to something like $15 at Walmart. That's how my mom always did things. We never got the "it" thing the year it came out. We lways got it a couple of years later, after the price had dropped significally. Shoot, Jeff and I still do things this way now!

Rememberances

Thought I would post some of the funny things that happened while working. I tried to sort them by company.

Trailer Wheel and Frame: I was talking with one of the mechanic's girlfriends one night at work. She had brought up their baby. Anyway, we were talking, and the owner came in to the room. He said that I needed one of those (and pointed to the baby). I said that at some point in time I will have one. He asked why I didn't have any with my ex husband, and I started my whole thing about knowing that the relationship wasn't going to work, and I didn't want to have to deal with him after the divorce. The owner said that I should use him for a "service job". Whatever.

Trailer Wheel and Frame: Harry, the General Manager, came in to sign a bunch of checks, and then started to walk out with the pen in hand. I didn't say anything, because I could have cared less if he took the pen. I could have gotten another one from the office supply cabinet. Anyway, he turns around halfway through the adjoining office, and throws the pen back my way, just barely missing me. It hit the phone. He then proceeds to tell me not to take it personal, he was just trying to get the pen back up to me. Guess he didn't want to walk the extra 15 feet to HAND it to me.

Trailer Wheel and Frame: The owner had me program his cell phone for him, since he didn't know how. I put all the important phone numbers in for him, and set up his voicemail greeting. Anyway, Harry called me, and said, "I've been trying to call the owner on his cell, and I keep getting your voice. Why?" (And he was completely serious!) Uhhh...hello.! I cannot believe that I actually had to tell him why he kept hearing my voice on the owner's outgoing voicemail message.

Trailer Wheel and Frame: There was a customer who came by to see Harry right after I started, and I forget his name but it was something like Hamal or something middle eastern sounding. Harry decided to start trying (and I emphasize trying) to speak arabic to this guy, and the guy just looks at him and says, "What are you doing? I'm Greek." the funny thing is that Harry is Greek too. So, to one up himself, he starts going on about ugly greek women are. Hello? First insult the guy, then his wife?

Trailer Wheel and Frame: Harry is a major Hypocondriack. Anytime any of us coughed or sneezed, he thought he was going to get sick. Anyway, one time he came walking in and was whispering. Said he lost his voice because of some infection. Then, he asked me to come over to his office (I had moved my desk by this point in time) so he can give me some work. I went over, then he started questioning me on some paperwork that I still had at my desk. I told him I needed to go get it so I could answer his questions, and proceeded to get them. I came back to his office and knock (I never like to go into anyone's office without knocking first). I didn't hear anything, so I knock again. Then I heard a noise sounding like he fell or something. So I rushed in to make sure he was ok, and found out that he was chunking pens at the door. He was doing it to try to get me to come in! He proceeded to whisper, "I was calling for you to come in, didn't you hear me?" Anyway, I walked in, and he asked me to pick up the pens he had been throwing at the door. I just laughed and sat down. At this point in time, he picked up a Ricola throat lozenge and tossed it at me, telling me to eat it. He then told me to go get something from one of the employees and come back. So, I got up again and leave to get whatever it was that he needed. By the time I came back, there was a customer in his office. I swear, he was talking to this guy just like nothing was wrong with him...he was not whispering at all!!! (he had been whispering the entire time before to me). When the customer left, Harry looked at me and went back to whispering!!!

Trailer Wheel and Frame: It is a well known fact that I have a bad right ankle. I broke it when I was 7, and it never healed correctly. Anyway, I was sitting in Harry's office taking notes, and he handed me some paperwork. I had to stand up and walk over to reach the paperwork, and when I stood up, I twisted my ankle and I fell down. His first words to me were not, "Are you ok?" His first words were, "Oh my God, don't die on me!" Apparently, there was a mechanic who used to work there long before I started who died there at work from a massive heart attack. Harry was talking to the guy when he had the heart attack, and when the guy fell over, he hit the Harry on the way down...

Trailer Wheel and Frame: The owner can be a nice guy when he wants to be. But, he is getting up there in age, and I believe is becoming a little "not all together." He came walking into the office one day, and started telling our accounts payable clerk how he had fasted for 3 days. None of us in the office were exactly skinny, ok? Anyway, he told her that he thought that fasting was a great way to lose weight, and that if you fast for 3 days, it'll add 10 years to your life. She just look at him and said, "you're 70 something years old, you haven't eaten in 3 days, and you're still alive? Why aren't you dead yet? What's wrong with you?" I about died when I heard this one!

Trailer Wheel and Frame: In 2003 I got a divorce, while working at Trailer Wheel and Frame. The owner thought that this is a big mistake. I tried explaining to him my reasons, which are very valid reasons, as to why we divorced, but it was not good enough for him. So much so that we had a bet going on between us. If I did not get back together with my ex-husband within 2 years of the divorce anniversary date, the owner would pay me $100. Whatever!

Trailer Wheel and Frame: Harry's office stuck out into the mechanic's area. During the summer of 2003, one of the mechanics got mad at Harry and drove a forklift into his office, just seconds after Harry walked out. The window air conditioner flew across the room, the lights fell down, tiles came off the ceiling...if he had been in there, he would have seriously gotten hurt.

Interceramic Tile and Stone: Rene, the guy who sat next to me, was constantly made fun of by the other guys...they said he was a little too feminine. Anyway, some of the things he said did not help his cause of being straight. For instance - one day he was talking to one of the trucking companies we frequently used, and told them, "I don't care if there is a naked man running down the freeway - I want a truck here on time!" Then, a few days later, he was on the phone with the same company, trying to get a truck to Las Vegas...He told them that he had 20 people on top of his ass about getting the load there. I just sat there laughing!

Interceramic Tile and Stone: one of the guys who used to work the order desk came back one morning to ask Rene some questions. He was just hanging around, and started to piss Rene off. Finally, Rene had enough, and said, "Juan - if you don't leave, I'm going to take you outside and pull your pants down!" I laughed so hard I couldn't see straight!!

Labatt Food Service: The Operations Manager and Transportation Manager came into my office in October, and laid me off. They told me that the company was changing directions, and that my position was being dissolved. I got it in writing a few days later, when I had the operations manager write a letter of reference for me. But, the General Manager tried telling the unemployment office that I had been fired for insubordination. He gave the 5% of my annual review - the "here's-what-you-need-to-work-on" part of my review, as the insubordination. I had to tell the unemployment case worker that what the GM mentioned was actually part of my review, and only encompassed about 5% of my review. The other 95% of the review was very positive, and that I had gotten the highest raise that the company was allowed to give me. I also told they guy that I had never been written up, never got any verbal warnings, got along with most of the employees most of the time, and that the general manager was not the one who let me go - the ops manager and trans manager were the ones who did that.

Texas Renaissance Festival

This past weekend, Jeff and I headed to the Texas Ren Fest. We had a good time! We didn't really focus on the demonstrations and performances this time around, although there is something going on pretty much all the time there. We spent our time wallking the shoppes and eating food. There were some very good food vendors there!! The next time we go, we are going to dress up, and we might spend more time checking out the performances. I really enjoyed it!

Careers

Sometimes I don't know what to think. Having a career sometimes is not really worth all of the headache that comes along with it.

I gave everything to work for Labatt Food Service, and was a very dedicated employee. I never got written up, never had any verbal warnings, and got praised during my annual review for being an upstanding employee. Yet that was not good enough to help me keep my job.

The transportation manager and operations manager came into my office last Thursday and laid me off. Or so they say. They told me that there were going to be several people being laid off as the company headed into a different direction. Somehow I find that a load of crap. I spoke with a friend of mine who still works there and 3 work days later, no one else has been laid off.

So, I have spent the last several days applying for jobs. I have 2 interviews today, so I will see how it goes. I know for a fact that I am not going to accept one of the jobs. It is a cut in pay, and I would have to work Sunday nights. I'm not giving up the band for a cut in pay.

Another thing that gets me is this: we all have our cell phone numbers posted on the Labatt directory. Everyone there has my cell phone number. They all claimed to be my friend while I was working there. Yet only one person has called. Friends, eh?

Aftermath of Hurricane Ike

Well...we were supposed to rent a beach house on Boliver Peninsula last weekend, since it was the first weekend of the winter rates. B-U-T...I forgot that it was supposed to be this past weekend that we were going to go, and I booked us to go to Lockhart instead. I'm sure glad we went to Lockhart instead. Everything was just nice in Lockhart. We really enjoyed the trip. Good thing we didn't go to Boliver - it was located on the "dirty" side of the Hurricane. Notice I used past tense there. Boliver has been destroyed. Nothing remains of the Peninsula. Nothing.

So, Jeff and I get home Sunday from our trip to Lockhart, and we stop at the airport on the way so Jeff can check in with his co-workers. As we drove down FM 529 towards home, it looks as if a tornado swept across the area. Shingles torn off of roofs, fences down, trees uprooted, tree limbs down, power lines down, poles snapped in half, signs either ripped completely off, bent or snapped, and no electricity.

As we entered the house, we immediately noticed a moldy, mildewy smell. The carpet in the front entry way was soaking wet, as was the carpet in the master bedroom. Our fence no longer exists, and the swing in the backyard was destroyed.

I've already ripped up the carpet in the master bedroom. I just have to find a way to get it outside the house. Next will be the carpet in the den. We'll have to get the fence repaired as well. I'm almost thinking that if Mom and David come over, then Jeff and David could work on the fence while Mom and I work on the floor in the bedroom. I don't know where everyone would sleep though. Unless by the end of the first day, Mom and I could get the floor set enough to bring in the airbed for Jeff and I to sleep on in the master bedroom that night. Right now we are sleeping out of the front bedroom.

We've wanted new floors for some time now, and I've already picked out the floor that I want. I've filed a claim with the homeowner's insurance and with FEMA, so I'm hoping to hear from either or both of them here soon to help with the funds of buying the supplies. I'm sure we could afford the supplies, but if we don't need to pay for them...

Hurricanes

So here I am, sitting in a Best Western Hotel in Lockhart, Texas. Hurricane Ike came ashore early this morning in Galveston and is currently travelling up I-45 and will likely end up somewhere in Michigan before it's all said and done. Jeff's sister and her boyfriend fled Texas City on Thursday and came over to our house. They decided to stay there in Katy while we left for Lockhart. I would call them to see how they are and how the house is but we both forgot our phones when we left. I can send text messages via email, so I've been keeping in contact with Mom and David throughout the trip to make sure they are fine. Mom rode out the storm with Mama, and David rode out the storm at home. I don't remember Mendy's cell number or else I would text her too.

I have to say though, I think we picked a really nice place to go to. There's a crapload of bbq restaurants and steakhouses here in the area, and the hotel we are staying in is VERY nice!

I just wish I knew better about the house...I don't have flood insurance, and am surrounded by bayous on 3 sides. We'll know on Sunday, when we start to head home.

Dreadful July

So far, this is turning out to be a really bad month. I had to serve on a jury for over a week. Then I found out that my friend in Florida had a stroke after he had knee surgery...he is fine except that he cannot read or write anymore...his speech is getting better than it was.

Now, we are trying to schedule a board retreat and are having problems doing that too. UUGGHH!!

Historic Times

We have somoe pretty historic times ahead of us in the presidential election. Within the Democratic Party, the two candidates have been Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama...a woman and a black man. This is the first time that either of those groups has had a candidate come this far along in the primaries.

Hillary just lost the primaries, as Barack got more than the minimum 2,118 delegates to clinch the primary. It took them 6 months to figure out who the Democratic nominee was going to be. It was a very tightly contested battle.

The Republicans have had their man, John McCain, for quite some time now.

Birthdays...Anniversaries

I've decided that my birthdays from here on out will be called anniversaries. I'll be celebrating the anniversary of my 29th birthday. I have not been handling my 30's very well, and like the idea of celebrating my 29th birthday over again.

Jeff's birthday is 8 days before mine. He came home from work about a week before his birthday, and was all stressed out over some of the things going on at his work. I had bought him enough presents for him to open one every night from that point until his actual birthday, so I decided to start a new tradition with us. We would celebrate birthweek instead of birthday. His mood immediately changed after I mentioned the idea of birthweek. He really looked forward to getting off of work so he could come home and unwrap another present.

After his birthday, we began birthweek for me. He had bought enough presents for me to open one every night until my birthday. Several of the presents we got are going to be used on our trip to Las Vegas at the end of June. We are going to have so much fun in Vegas!!

It's Happening Again

Here we go again...Too much to do, not enough time to do it in. I'm getting just as tired typing this as I am reading it in my own blog. I have a ton to do for the band, between now and the Patriotic concert. I don't even want to think about next year yet. It's going to be worse with us hosting the ACB Convention.

I know it's taking a toll on Jeff as well. But he's stressing out about not being able to have the same days off as well. I hope that is the reasoning why he is starting to withdraw from me again. He made a comment about it the other night during an argument we had...the good thing is that the guy who works on his shift with him quit earlier this week, so as soon as they can get someone else hired to fill the guy's position, Jeff is going to move over to Fridays and Saturdays off. That will help him feel better. Until then though, Jeff is going to have some good overtime, because he's going to be working 6 days a week.

Once we get through the Patriotic concert, things will be good. We'll be going on vacation, and the overtime that Jeff's going to work will help in paying for the trip. Plus he has an extra paycheck coming in May anyway, so that can go towards the trip.

I'm ready for this vacation. I'm ready to spend some time with Jeff. We really have not had a whole lot of time to spend together since he started his job in January. Every once in a while, here and there, we've been able to see each other. One weekend we went to San Antonio, one Sunday we went to Brenham, and one Sunday we walked around Bear Creek Park. That is the extent of what we've done together since the new year.

Like I said, I noticed him withdrawing from me. We went out Monday evening after I got off of work (it was his day off) to do some shopping. He wanted to purchase some outfits for me, so we looked around while at Target, getting some other items. He ended up making a comment about Target not having a lot of options for fat people. That bothered me quite a lot that he said that, but I haven't said anything to him about it yet. We ended up getting into an argument about some other things that night as well, and I went to bed crying...I know he's stressed about not seeing me and everything, but he's made some comments lately that I don't appreciate. I hope it all passes once he gets on Fridays and Saturdays off.

date night

I have to admit, things with Jeff are going very well right now. We've been together almost nine months, and life just seems to get better every day with him.

Right now, our schedules are so different that we only get to see each other on Sundays. The last month however, I have been so busy on the weekends doing band stuff that I have not even been able to see him on Sunday. Next Sunday is going to change all that. The HACMA festival will be over the day before, so we are going to celebrate by going to the Melting Pot before band on Sunday, and he'll go with me to band practice afterwards.

He's been a real trooper in supporting me through the stuff I've had to deal with the last few weeks. I really do appreciate his cooperation!!

dream interpretation

Recently, I have had two dreams that really bothered me when I woke up. I wasn't, and still aren't, sure why I was having the dreams. But, I went to the dream interpretation website that I frequent when wanting to know these things. I was quite shocked to learn what the dreams meant.

Dream #1: Apparently I am learning about some aspect of my life that needs changing, and it will be an irreversible change in my life once it occurs. I have anxieties about performance or my abilities in an area. I have repressed aggression or anger at myself, and have unrealized and unfulfilled goals.

Dream #2: I'm fearing change, and am ambivilant to seizing an opportunity. I feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in my current circumstances. I am overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about my future. I feel time is running out and that I do not have time to accomplish all the things I want (hello - ACB convention??).

Time Off. Really?

I am going to have the next two weeks off of band. Next week is Spring Break, so the school is closed. The week after that is Easter. That doesn't mean that I don't have a lot to do though. I've still a ton of stuff to do, but I'm confident about getting it done. I've already made my to-do list. Between meeting Ed for a tour of the Centrum for the HACMF, gathering the last of the brochures for the ACB Convention goodie bags, mailing off the scores to the past music directors, begin designing the program to the Anniversary Concert, organizing the concert programs from the last concert, and meeting Bob for lunch, I'm busy!

Jeff and I will be going to Brenham on Sunday since I don't have band. It'll be a nice get-away for a change.

Concert time

It's concert time again. We're having our annual spring concert tomorrow, but this time we are having it at Katy High School's Performing Arts Center. This is going to be our highest attended concert to date. I'm excited, but also very stressed out about it...I'm just ready to see how it will all come together.

Time to get out of town

I've got to do something this weekend. The burn out is just getting too much for me. I thought that by taking the week off last week I would be better, but I'm not. It seems to be getting worse. Stephen called me on the way home this evening to check in on me, and I broke down crying. I just can't take any more of this. I haven't been to Galveston since Jeff and I started dating. Saturday, I have a HACMA board meeting in the morning, then I am heading out from there. I'm either going to go to Galveston or I am going to go over to the Byzantine Fresco Chapel and metitate. I might do both...I don't know yet. All I know is that I have to do something.

Burn Out

I'm definitely experiencing burn out right now. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, or talk to anyone. Ever since the board meeting a couple of weeks ago, I haven't wanted to do anything for the band. Absolutely nothing. I feel like people are taking me for granted and then I get blamed for crap when it doesn't go their way. I've got a long list of things to do: newsletter for the band, newsletter for the homeowners association, begin designing the concert program, update the HACMA website, begin marketing the concert. Maybe I can start on it this afternoon. I have to meet Stephen for lunch to pass off the tickets for this concert. I won't be at rehearsal this weekend because I'm having family come in. It might do me good to miss a week anyway.

I'm tired

I'm tired. I'm tired of having to deal with certain things and certain people. It's really wearing me out. It's a good thing I actually have a head cold today...I can hide the fact that I'm upset and have been crying most of the day.

One of the board members quit last night at the board meeting. He made a real nasty scene when leaving too. I'm not apologizing for what I did...I nominated someone else for the vice president position. The guy told me that he wanted to step down and I took him for his word. I can't help it if I have told him multiple times that the nominating committee chair and the vice president position go hand in hand. It states that in the bylaws of the band. He later said that he just wanted to step off the nominating committee because he didn't like the fact that one of the people he wanted on the board didn't get on. The person he wanted on has to serve on a committee first. The board decided some time ago that all potential board members need to serve on a committee first. This nominee hasn't served on a committee at all yet. So, he was pissed at that and dropped the board.

Why don't the board members actually read the bylaws? He'd still be on the board had he read it, and also listened when I told him that the vp position was tied to the nominating committee!

I'm tired of the people who quit telling the board that I always get my way. I don't always get my way. I emailed the guy this morning and gave him examples of when I did not get my way. Maybe, just maybe, if these people who are making accusations actually did some work on the board, then they wouldn't feel that I always got my way.

I started thinking of quitting the board today. I guess I sent signals to Stephen and he sent me an email out of the blue saying not to quit, that 99% of the band is behind me, that most of the band knows and appreciates what I do, and not to quit. It helped, and made me feel some better. But, I'm still feeling really crappy about it. Jeff even helped, making me feel better too.

More than you can handle

I've learned that we won't be given more than we can handle...although we can come awfully close to the edge. Jeff quit his job at Atlantic the week of Thanksgiving. He couldn't handle working for those guys anymore, and quit. He just started a new job yesterday. It took him a month and a half to find a new job. We just started sinking when he got the job. We still aren't out of the woods yet, since it's going to be 3 weeks before he gets a full paycheck. But things are on the upturn now. And it looks like by my birthday, I'll be able to get a new vehicle, since I am almost through paying off my credit cards. I should have those paid off in April. Woo hoo!

Remembering

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of my grandfather passing away due to cancer. It's been an emotional week for me. I thought I would be handling his passing better than I have. I really miss the conversations I'd have with him when I was there for the holidays, and when I was on the phone with him. I felt like he was one of the only ones who really supported me in my goals and dreams.

I know he was in a lot of discomfort in the last phase of his life. All three of his kids put their lives on hold to help him transition with ease and with his family near him. He went exactly how he wanted to go - at home with his family by his side.

My mom was holding his hand as he left. She had to tell him that everything was ok, and that they would take good care of my grandmother. He was such a trooper...he was trying to hold on long enough to make sure she would be alright, and to get some space between her birthday and his passing. He passed one week to the day of her birthday. Shortly before he died, my mom heard him call out his older brother's name. Uncle Bill had died not long before, and we believe that Uncle Bill was there to welcome him to the other side. I believe that at one point Papa was holding hands with both Uncle Bill and my mom at the same time.

I'll always cherish the time I had with him. I can't wait to be able to see him again and tell him about everything I did after he left.

Dedication

Here I sit, on my day off, at a desk at work...routing, running invoices, and greenbars. I'm not even at my desk. I'm having to sit in the computer room to do all of this because I have to watch the large form printers to make sure they don't jam while printing. To top everything off, this is the Friday after Thanksgiving!!

I don't mind doing this, mind you. The person who filled in for me while I was in Florida worked a lot of overtime to cover for me as well. He only mildly complained about it too.

Earlier, one of the analysts from upstairs came down and was complaining about one of the customers getting shorted product today, and how we are having to go out there tomorrow. She then found out that the driver won't get paid for taking it tomorrow, so he'll probably bring it back. So, instead, she is having to take it out to them today. The whole time, she was complaining about it. Why? Do what you have to to get the job done. Don't complain about it!!! She just had to take 2 boxes of candy out to a customer. I'd be more than happy to take product out to a customer! It'd get me out of the office for a while!

A chip on one's shoulder...

I read the following article on the HTTP://www.thisislondon.co.uk website on October 18th, 2007...I thought it was an interesting read!


Those not blessed with height are often accused of having a chip on their shoulder.

Now a study has found that they might, in fact, have an unhealthy attitude to life.

Short men and women apparently complain of poorer mental and physical health than those of an average height.

Researchers examined more than 14,000 responses to the 2003 Health Survey for England.

The subjects had given details of their height, weight, age, gender, long-standing illness and social class.

They were then asked to rate their health on a range of indicators such as mobility, pain and depression.

Those in the shortest height category - men shorter than 5ft 4in and women shorter than 5ft - reported much poorer health, according to the report in the journal Clinical Endocrinology.

The survey did not ascertain how healthy they actually were, just how well they thought they were.

Lead researcher Dr Torsten Christensen said: "Using this large and nationally representative sample of the UK population, we found shorter people report that they experience lower physical and mental well-being than taller people do.

"Our results also indicate that the shorter someone is, the stronger this relationship becomes."

She added that an increase in height of one inch would have a positive impact on the healthrelated quality of life of a short person, whereas the effect of an extra inch would be negligible for a person of normal height.

Dr Christensen found that short people would have a 6 per cent higher health rating if they were around three inches taller.

This is the equivalent to the health benefit experienced by an obese person losing two and a half stones.

Dr Christensen, of Danish healthcare company Novo Nordisk, added: "We know that people who are short experience more difficulties in areas of their life such as education, employment and relationships than people of a normal height.

"Although our study does not show that short height directly causes a reduction in physical and mental health, it does indicate that short people are more likely to feel that they experience a lower healthrelated quality of life."

She added: "Further research is now needed to clarify the precise relationship between changes in height and health-related quality of life."

Short height in adult life can either be due to normal development or can be caused by a number of diseases such as growth hormone deficiency and Turner syndrome.

Treatment with growth hormone for children with these conditions can increase their final height by as much as four inches.

The study shows that these height increases could have a huge positive effect on a person's mental wellbeing once they grow up.

Stress

I'm getting to that point again. Why do I get myself into these situations? I'm already stressing out about NEXT YEAR. The band has several things on its plate that I am directly involved in, and I'm already stressing about it.

1. Another band member is chairing the HACMA festival, but I still play a part in organizing it. I've been emailing the chair, and talking with him almost every day on this and that for the festival, who to have for convention directors, etc.

2. My band's anniversary concert. I am co-chairing this, along with the treasurer of my band. Getting in contact with former directors, past presidents, and other guests of honor is putting a strain on me. But...it is going to be a really neat concert.

3. Chairing the ACB convention in 2009. I have to have stuff ready for the convention next year. I have to take things with me to represent the 2009 convention so people will get excited about it.

We'll be raising funds for all three of these events at the same time. I'm about ready to pull my hair out. I need to get away for a bit and just walk the beach in Galveston. I need to get my head together!

More lists...

As I sit here at my computer, I know I have loads of stuff that I need to be doing, but I can't pull myself to do it. Tons of band stuff. Maybe this next week I can pull myself together to do it. I just need to work on it a little at a time.

Christmas time is coming. I need to write my annual Christmas letter. I need to upload pictures to the LSSB site. I need to change the concert info on the LSSB site. Upload info for Houston Symphonic Band onto HACMA's website. Make the next concert poster. Type up the next press release. If I have a slow day at work, I can crank some of that out. At least the press release and the Christmas letter.

Why do I keep putting stuff off? I'm not usually a procrastinator. But I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere right now...recently I've had to be prodded to do anything. I need to get out of this funk.

Concert Outlook

I'm at a loss of how to feel right now.

My band had a great concert last night. One of our best yet, as a matter of fact. We sold out the theatre. We made a killing in the box office. We even sold a lot of tickets for the upcoming concert - the Christmas concert. The board members got several very good comments last night about how the band has improved greatly over the last few months since Bob has come on. I should be very excited about the concert last night, but I'm not.

I had a solo in one of the pieces, and I messed it up. And one of the clarinet players decided to be a pie crust and quit because she was insulted that she was not asked to play in the clarinet quartet that performed during the concert. I should brush these things off and be excited for the over all picture. Maybe in the next couple of days I can. Right now, I'm still pissed.

Good Deals

I love finding good deals on things. Now that Jeff and I are together, I'm all about finding good deals more frequently...mostly I am looking for deals on things for us to do on the weekend, since most of our paychecks go to paying bills. But, there are some good cultural events out in Houston that are either free or really cheap.

I found out that a local nursery had a fall harvest celebration, with a pumpkin patch, farmers market, and clinics. The event was free. I know of several museums in town that are free either all the time, or on specific days. I constantly check Miller Outdoor Theatre's website and Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion's website for free events. Jeff and I are going to a free Houston Symphony concert tonight up at Cynthia, and in a few weeks we'll be going to Miller to watch a free movie...it's a silent film with a real orchestra playing the background music. The Houston zoo is free on specific days of the year...my family went there last year the day after thanksgiving and had a picnic to go along with it as well.

There are good deals out there...one must be on the outlook for it though...

confusion

I am confused. I'm confused about being confused. I'm not sure why I'm confused or how I got here, I just know that I am here. Not knowing how or why I am here is causing problems, since I have no idea how to leave this state of mind and correct the issues at hand.

I think for one, I might have too many irons in the fire. I have not been able to get away and go to Galveston lately. It's a good problem to have in a way...I haven't been able to go because I have spent the weekends for the past month and a half with Jeff. I've had no free time to go put the irons in order of importance. I need to do this.

Between having to hire a new band director, convince the last one that he is no longer the director, help plan the vacation I'm going on this weekend, plan the weekend outings we do every weekend, train the back up person to do my routing, start planning the upcoming concert, continue planning the anniversary concert, work on the ACB convention planning, board meetings for three different non profits, spend time with the new boyfriend, and deal with some people up at work that are annoying, it can get a little overwhelming.

I think that is my main problem. I have too many things to do, and I don't know where to start. I need to sit and write out everything I'm doing, and what the priority is on each of them. That will help a lot.

Having someone new in your life can be stressful at times too. I had loads of stuff to do before, and now I am working a relationship into the mix. I appreciate the time I get to spend with Jeff, and with every new relationship there will be some times where we have to sork through some issues. I think we can work through these issues - they're more growing pains than anything else right now. It's just adjusting to having someone else with you.

Once I get my priorities straight, I think I will be good...now, just to make time to prioritize...

...In with the new

I've come to realize that sometimes one must flush out the crap in their lives before they can move on to the next big thing.

I had been emailing a guy for about a month. Then, at the beginning of July, he vanishes off the cyber-planet. I only had his email address, so I could not call him and make sure he was ok.

So then in the middle of July, I send my email to Ryan, saying we are completely through. Not a day later, the new guy, Jeff, pops back online and emails me. Said that his house was flooded and he's spent the last month cleaning it. He profusely apologizes and hopes that I'll email him back, which I do.

I gave Jeff my phone number, and we progressed to phone calls. We'd talk every single night on the phone, and finally decided after a week of talking that we should get together and go on a date...we went out last Friday, and it was absolutely amazing! I had the best time with him. He's very funny, and we seem to see the same things in life. I really like what I see so far.

So, once I got Ryan out, Jeff could come in! I'm so excited to see where things are headed now with Jeff....

Out with the old...

I gave up on Ryan. I'm tired of waiting. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"

We had met back in February, and started seeing each other, but haven't gotten together since April. It's now July...and it seems every time we talked on the phone (which was few and far between), he kept trying to push a certain fantasy on me, even though I clearly stated that I was uncomfortable with it. Everytime we talked on the phone, he would say that we would be getting together soon, but when I would question when "soon" would be, he couldn't come up with an answer.

So, early last week, I sent him an email, and ended things. I told him that I was tired of waiting on him, that he apparently was never planning on seeing me again, and that I've moved on. I also said that I apparently was not the person for him, and I wished him luck on his search for whatever and whoever he is looking for. The idiot read, then deleted, my email without even responding. That's ok though. It's better than being hung up on, or receiving some lame excuse.

I feel a lot better now that I've done that!

divorce

I had an interesting conversation with my best friend the other day. We started talking about divorce. We agreed that it is quite common these days for people to get divorced, but he felt that it is acceptable these days, so that is why more people are doing it. I mentioned that since I had been through a divorce, I felt that even though it is common place now, people who get divorced are still looked down upon. He started to disagree with me, until I mentioned that when we came close to dating a couple of years ago, he refused to go out with me because I had once been married.

I just think that it's pretty pathetic that half of this country is divorced, we are still looked down upon as if something is wrong with us.

Defending a Proposal

I am absolutely scared right now. Usually when I feel really optimistic about something, it ends up going very wrong. I hope that changes today.

I went before the Houston Arts Alliance this morning to defend the Band's proposal to have HAA fund a portion of a concert next season. The last two times I went before the panel to defend our proposal, it ended in disaster. I always felt like I was going before the "firing squad." Not today. The meeting went very well in my opinion, and I actually feel good about what was said during the meeting. I walked out optimistic instead of upset.

Two years ago, we were only 17 points from getting the grant. Last year, it was closer to 30 or 40 points away from getting it. I think this year we have the best chance of getting the grant. I hope we get it...it would be a shot in the arm for us.

Honesty

I don't understand why people can not just be honest and open with others, even though they claim that they are.

I began dating someone at the end of February. We clicked right away, and both of us felt a connection from the very beginning. I admit I let my guard down, and I fell hard for this person very quickly. We felt though that we had known each other for a long time, so it was easy to fall so quickly.

Our work schedules differ greatly, unfortunately. I work days, and he works nights. He usually wakes up about the time I go to lunch, so I made it a habit to call him during my lunch break so we could chat for a bit. We both enjoyed the time talking on the phone...

But lately, he has not been answering his phone when I call from my cell phone, and when he does answer, he immediately needs to get off the phone. He tells me that he'll call me back in a few minutes, then never does. I went to his website, and there was a woman who had posted something on his site basically saying that he was her boyfriend, and she loved him very much.

If he had just been open and honest with me in the beginning and told me that he was going to date around to see who suit him best, that would be fine. But he made it feel like we were being exclusive to each other, so I didn't go out with other guys...even though I had the opportunity to.

JUST BE HONEST!!

Happy St. Jude's Day Papa!

Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of what my family calls St. Jude's Day. My grandfather had open heart surgery on March 17th, 1987, and had one of his heart valves replaced, which was defective at birth. Every year, on March 17th, we would call him, and send him St. Patrick's Day cards, to wish him a Happy St. Jude's Day. We call it St. Jude's because that was the company that made the heart valve that was put into my grandfather's heart.

The doctors told him after the surgery that if everything went perfect, he would live 10-12 years. He lived 18 years, and didn't pass away due to anything associated with his heart...he passed away from cancer.

He told me one time that he never thought he'd live to be as old as he was. He was 77 when he passed away, still a young man. But, he felt that he had lived a long life, and had experienced many things. A good job, retirement, a loving wife, 3 kids, 7 grandkids, 3 great-grandkids, travels around the world, and so on.

I miss him terribly. I miss our conversations at Christmas time. I miss the times I'd call over there and he'd answer the phone, and he'd talk with me for a minute before passing me over to my grandmother. I miss the advice he would give about life in general, and the advice on how to fix things that broke (he knew how to fix everything!). I miss knowing that I could go to him and share my passions (music) and he'd be completely supportive, and tell me to keep it up. I miss walking in the house through the garage door, seeing him sitting at the corner of the bar, and he'd give me a big bear hug, asking me, "How's my big girl?" I miss hearing my grandmother and him cutting up with each other.

I love you Papa!

The eye of the beholder

I met this new guy online. We've been talking for some time now, and actually met for the first time not long ago. We've been on 3 actual dates in the past week. He's a really attractive guy, and we hit it off right away. We both agree that it seems like we've known each other for a long time. The only issue is that he has brought up the topic of my weight in several conversations. It's not that I'm some huge freak who can't stop eating. I do have some weight I need to lose, but sheesh, doesn't everybody? I'm actually at the point now where I'm ok with myself, and I'd hope that someone else would be too. He asked me last night if I didn't have the hormone disorder I have, what would I look like body wise. Who the hell cares? Like me for who I am, not who I might be if xyz didn't happen!! That is the only sticking point.

Circular Thinking

I'm sitting here listening to Ozzy Osbourne, which is funny...I actually like a lot of his music. I never thought I would say that. "No More Tears" starts with a bass guitar solo. It reminds me of the guy I had dated for about a month last December. He was always talking about playing the bass...We aren't dating anymore. There were too many differences between us on the basic things. We would not have made it as a couple.

I've met a new guy, and I really like him. He isn't involved in music at all, which is so weird for me. I never thought I would be interested in someone who isn't involved in music. He seems so far to be supportive of my involvement in the band. The thing is this: he doesn't seem like a head case. He seems to be a decent guy, with a good relationship with his family, and is an educated person (he teaches university classes, and also works in corporate america). I seem to only attract the nut cases, so I'm wondering how this will work out, or if it will work out.

Take a Breather

I decided to take another trip to Galveston this past weekend. I ended up working on band stuff while down there, but it was so relaxing at the same time. I basically went looking for places to have the band perform at. A trip to Moody Gardens, the Lone Star Flight Museum, Galveston State Park, the Seawall, and the Strand were all in order. I got several very good pictures while out too. I realized that winter is a really good time to visit there, as not a lot of people head to the beach when it is cold outside. I don't know why I didn't realize that before.

I headed down there before lunch, and got back around 6 pm. I need to take more trips down to Galveston. It does a body good.

Money

I am surprised what some people will do for money. People leave jobs to make better money somewhere else. They get desperate and steal or rob or they sell everything they own. All for money!!

I am in the process of re-financing my house. I wanted a better interest rate, and I wanted the PMI off my mortgage. It just annoys the crap out of me at how the loan officer is sooo pushy at getting everything turned in. He calls me 2 or 3 times a week..."have you done this?" "I need that." "Make sure you do this." I realized he wants his commission and will stop short of making me go ballistic on him to get his money. I had to get pretty rude with him one day so that the point would get across to him that I do work, and cannot talk while at work.

And then there is the appraiser. He annoyed me too. I tried to tell him that I can't talk during work, but he must be deaf because he still tries to call me while I'm there. I told him when I could meet, and that was not good enough for him...he wanted to meet before that date, and wanted to know if my mom could meet him if I couldn't make it out. My mom doesn't pay the mortgage on this house!

And I am doing all of this for money...like I said, I'm surprised what some people will do. Apparently, I'll allow people to annoy the crap out of me.

Psycho

I don't understand something. Why do people who have a history of mental issues seem to be attracted to me? I've had more than one person express their interest in me. I'd like to know what it is that I'm putting out there that is attracting these people who are like this.

I called a friend of mine, who lives in Florida, and told him about my latest relationship experiences. This friend and I became fast friends this past year, and ended up becoming "Friends with Benefits" for a while. He's about 30 years older than me, and is in a relationship of his own. He's been supportive of me getting into a relationship of my own.

He sounded real excited when I started telling him about the relationship, but when I told him about some of the differences, he thought it was a good idea for me to end it when I did. He also told me that his ex wife told him that he was too controlling during their relationship. I've had feelings for this friend before, and we seem genuinely interested in each other as well.

I just am tired of always having to deal with these mental people...

Let it out!!!

Most of the time, I don't post really deep, heavy posts. My last post (Ten Percent) was one of those, though. It had just been building up inside, and I needed to get it out.

I try not to hold things in. I know how destructive it can be to a person to hold things in. It can be destructive mentally and physically to a person...it just eats at a person from inside out. It ends up not only affecting the person, but also affects family and friends, because the person starts to withdraw, and lashes out at others for no apparent reason.

I was a really negative person for a long time because I held things in and didn't let them out. I thought for a long time that I was the only one going through the things I was going through, and no one else understood the things I was experiencing. I had someone though that did not give up on me. This person loved me through my difficulties and depression, and kept encouraging me, even when I didn't feel like I needed or wanted it.

About 3 or 4 years of this person supporting and loving me during my darkest time, I finally realized that I was slowly killing myself. I realized that others did care, and that others did know what I had been through. But, others couldn't help if I didn't let them know. I owe a lot to that friend. He and his family were there for me when I needed them the most. I am not sure they will ever know just how important they were to me.

Ten Percent

I am proud to be left-handed. I am proud to be a part of society that by its very nature is artistic and creative. I am very happy to be a part of the 10% of this world's population that is left-handed. I am grateful that my parents did not force me to learn to write with my right hand, as what happened to my grandfather. Forcing a child to write with the hand that they are not supposed to write with hinders their creativity. It hinders their whole thinking process, and the child loses a part of their identity. Part of who I am today is wrapped up in being creative, artistic, and open-minded. None of the righties in the family are like that. I am one of a kind!

But, there are a few things that really bother me. Not about being left handed, mind you. What bothers me is how society has viewed left-handed people in the past, and how it still views left-handed people today. For example:

1. In the past, people were forced to write with their right hand, and were punished if they didn't. They were told that left-handed people were the devil's children. Right is Right, and Left is Wrong! I don't understand this. How does being left handed signify being of the devil? Really, if anything that is left is of the devil, then we are all going to hell. The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body. The left side of the brain controls the right side of the body. And since the brain tells the body what to do, I'd venture to say right-handed people are the devil's children instead. Right is Right...right?

2. Everything in this world being geared towards right handed people. Research has shown that left-handed people live an average of 5 years less than right handed people. Why? Because of the stresses of living in a right handed world. Some examples of right handed items that we all encounter on a daily basis:

Doors - open from the right
Faucets - hot on the left (= devil), cold on the right
Cars - gear shift is on the right, gas is on the right, radio is on the right, everyone else who might ride with you will be off to your right.
Spiral Notebooks - spiral is on the left side, making it difficult to write with your left hand
clocks - clockwise motion is to the right
cooking utensils - all manufactured to be used with the right hand (try using a ladle with your left hand)
scissors - the left handed ones are blunt, for the slow-minded kids who might hurt themselves using them
computers - the mouse and keyboard are both right handed, all on/off switches are on right of monitors, towers, printers, etc
cameras - made to be held up to your right eye, right finger pushes the button to take picture
phones - made to be held in left hand, as one dials with the right hand
musical instruments - the only truly left handed instrument is the French Horn. All others are held by left hand, or use a combo of both hands.
books - read left to right
can openers - hold with left hand, turn with right
tape measures / rulers - if used left handed, all the numbers on the measure are upside down
meals - pass everything to the right!!

3. The way people look at you when they realize that you are left handed. I have had so many people looked stunned and disturbed when they see me write with my left hand. I've had people tell me before that they cannot watch me write, because it bothers them to see me writing backwards. It's like watching some break their arm or leg...it's just plain disturbing.

My mom taught oil painting, stained glass, ceramics, cake decorating, and other arts / crafts things when I was very small. I'd love to learn how to do some the things she has taught, and have asked once or twice for her to teach me how to do them. But, I have pretty much given up on asking her to show me how to do them. Why? Because everything I do is left handed. She only knows how to teach right handed, and she gets frustrated (and has told me so) trying to teach the crafts backwards to me. It's not just my mom that is like this. I've encountered teachers and instructors elsewhere who get frustrated in trying to teach me to do things backward. It's very discouraging to want to learn to do something but be made to feel like you can't do it because you aren't like everyone else. I shouldn't have to sit off on the sidelines simply because I do things backwards from everyone else.

My Business

Why is it that people think they can get in the middle of your business and feel that it is ok for them to tell you how to feel or think or behave?

I told my best friend that I was not going to dinner with the normal group one night. I had my reasons for not going. Very good reasons for not going. But my friend got all upset, and started trying to give excuses as to why I could not back out of going to dinner with the group (you are the President of this band - you have to go to dinner with the group! What if someone has questions for you, and you aren't there!). This was the first time I have ever missed dinner with the group, and my friend just went off for no reason...

I mentioned to a family member that I thought about spending the day down in Galveston tomorrow. Once again, someone went off - they don't feel I should be going places by myself, and that I'll get hurt wherever I go.

Then the whole dating questions start..."Are you dating anyone?" "Why not?" "When are you going to start?" I'll start dating when I'm ready!! I don't need to justify anything to anyone. I am happy with myself, and I just don't understand why people feel it is ok to butt into other people's business like that.

Inquiring minds want to know

I have recently started getting to know someone of the opposite gender than me. We have known *of* each other for the past couple of years, and have occasionally crossed paths. We have occasionally exchanged correspondance. But recently, said person and I have gotten into deeper discussions. We talk a couple of times a week. We make it a point to see each other and visit face to face at least once a week. With all of this said, I don't know if said person is actually interested in anything other than a friendship. I am not sure I want anything other than a friendship with said person.

But, I find it interesting that when someone even *thinks* that someone *might* be interested in them, they get all excited, even if they don't really want to go out with them. I'm not saying that I won't go out with said person if he asks me out. I probably will go out with him if he asks. How else will one get to know someone? The only answer I can come up with on why a person might get excited is that it makes a person feel good to feel wanted, or think that they are wanted. It is the whole "I choose you" thing. It's a great feeling, and I hope I get this feeling more often. I am actually finding myself looking forward to our correspondance, and looking forward to our visits.